And Back to Saving The World

I haven’t written in a little while. Why? Because I’ve been busy soaking something in. Something big. Something I’ve been moving toward for years, unknowingly.

It’s new, but it fits perfectly with everything I’ve shared with you so far. It feels like the missing puzzle piece.

So, what is it?

I’m stepping into couples therapy work. Specifically I’m using an approach called Relational Life Therapy (RLT), developed by psychotherapist Terry Real. And it’s rocking my world.

Finally a way of seeing relationships that is aligned with the trauma work I’ve been doing with individuals for years but pushes it so much further.

Terry Real doesn’t just talk about kindness or compassion (classic therapist words). He shows how these things are essential for our own wellbeing.

How? By reframing our relationships as a biosphere.

What we put into them is what we breathe. Every act of judgment or blame pollutes the air for everyone - ourselves included.

And every act of repair, honesty, or care cleans it.

This isn’t about being nice. It’s about common sense. It’s about creating the kind of atmosphere we actually want to live in.

It provides us the motivation to do something incredibly difficult, that most radical of things: slowing down enough to notice our habitual survival reactions, taking a step back to access a broader perspective, and d o i n g  s o m e t h i n g  d i f f e r e n t. 

That’s what excites me: this work brings a relational lens to the mindfulness practices I’ve been talking about all along.

Mindfulness isn’t just an inner practice. It’s a world-changing one. 

All we have to do is ask ourselves:

What kind of world do I want to live in?

Am I contributing to that world in this moment?

And then - even more important - we have to give others the freedom to find their own answers.

This is the power we hold in every interaction - not just in our partnerships, but with our kids, our coworkers, the person at the grocery store. Even the person we disagree with most.

It’s hard! Especially now. But so needed. 

If you’re curious to find out more, I highly recommend Terry Real’s latest book Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship.

Here’s to creating a better biosphere - one honest, messy, courageous step at a time.